BIBLICAL MANHOOD THE OVERLY BONDED WITH MOTHER WOUND
+ 2 Significant breaks with Mom - break from physical and emotional bondedness.
"In The Waterboy, Roy Orberson came in to help out poor Bobby Bushey. Bobby was overly bonded with his mother. Do not let things get that way."
A healthy relationship a son has with mother means there will be a healthy physical and emotional seperation as well as having Oneness with a woman relationally.
Exploring Mother Wound :
Characteristics : This wound is not blatant but accidental. This wound is not one of abuse, neglect, or absenteeism, but a wond disguised as loving care. This is not a wound of inattention but over attention. This wound looks like love, but feels like bondage. This wound is so powerful it can wrongly shape or warp the masculine psyche.
How the wound occurs : If often begins with an absent or distant father. It can be influenced by one of 4 types of moms. Ignorant moms - lack of knowledge of her power in his life, the mother needs to release her son. Needy hurting moms - no marriage, and she feels so alone so she over connects with her son. Unwilling to release moms - they like to be in control. Fill in the gap moms - single mothers. A mother can over control your life.
2 Major Consequences of this wound : Men become dominant and controlling toward woman. Men become soft/passive and submissive toward woman. He struggles being committed to a woman and lean too much on his mother.
7 Suggestions for Healing this Wound :
1.) Breaking mom's over involvement is good for you and her. Authentic manhood is impossible without it. Cut the bond from mom. Men take charge.
2.) Believe that your ultimate goal is to become a man whose vision is fixed on what God thinks, not what mom thinks. Please God not mom.
3.) Stop complaining or denying. If you have this wound, get the support, encouragement and help you need from other men and develop a plan for healthy independence from mom. Invite their feedback to avoid serious errors in making a helthy break.
4.) Communicate your plan in one of the following ways to your mom and stand your ground regardless of how she responds. Through a new way of relating. Through a face to face meeting if necessary.
5.) Use the group to report back to for clarity, encouragement, and accountability.
6.) If you are married, tell your wife that you recognize the problem with the interfering mom and that you will take responsibility to correct it. Ask for her support and prayer, but ask her to not get involved. It's your problem and not hers.
7.) In some cases, your efforts to establish a healthy relationship with mom will result in a time of emotional punishment or even in your moms angry withdrawal. Do not be derailed by time or reaction. In time she will turn.
*The critical need today is for fathers to call away teenage sons away from dependency on mom.
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Questions for small groups:
1.) Describe your relationship with your mother growing up.
2.) Would you say you have effectively made the break with mom? Does your mom presently exert unhealthy influence in your life? Your marriage? What would your wife say?
3.) Do you struggle with the mother wound? What steps from this session can you take to address it?
4.) How has this session helped you?
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